Turn that Facebook frown upside down, part 2

Richie Sambora and Jon Bon Jovi. “Our father, who art in Jovi, hallowed be thy hair.” Read below.

Editor’s note: The first installment of Tonya Nagy’s very funny “Turn your Facebook frown upside down” blog ran in October. Since then, Nagy’s fans have been clamoring for more.

Just this week, Livingstontalk.com started running a single Nagy status update daily in our new “Fun Talk,” which runs in the left column of our front page.

Finally, Nagy’s delivered another batch of the Facebook status updates. For those unfamiliar with Facebook, each status update begins with the person's name. So, insert Tonya Markovich Nagy …

When your gecko is broken you have a reptile dysfunction.

Our father, who art in Jovi, hallowed be thy hair. Thy hairspray come, thy fringe be done. Lead us not into leather pants, but deliver us from Sambora.

… dreams of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

… is playing hide and seek with the men in white coats...if they ask, you haven't seen me.

I'd love to trade caller I.D. for “caller I.Q.”

Ham and eggs — A day's work for the chicken; a lifetime commitment for the pig.
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A sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

Listened to David Cook sing "Music of the Night" so many times now I'm narrating my life in that cadence. Washiiiiing, dryiiiiiiing, put away the dishhhhessss.

… just tried to spin an immobile display at CVS. Add that to the list of places I cannot go without adult supervision.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate the rollerbladers.

Pretty sure that the geniuses at the Apple store were judging me on my iTunes collection. And Gordon Lightfoot was the "last played" & it wasn't by me. So, dirty little secret - EXPOSED!

… gonna organize the Tupperware cupboard today. All those years of playing Tetris will finally pay off.

When I look down, I miss all the good stuff, but when I look up, I just trip over things. it's exhausting being me.

Never wear a red shirt to target.

… is sad to report that at Toys R Us today, a Sarah Palin doll shot a My Little Pony.

“The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington

When I get sad, I stop being sad and get awesome instead. True story

I don't know what's going on with you, TARGET, but moving the size 5 shoes to the very top shelf proves that I love you more than you love me. There are easier ways to break up with me, you know.

… doesn’t want buns of steel, she wants buns of cinnamon.

… likes poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.

Reason No. 3 not to take Ambien. Now have someone saved in my phone as Mr. Peanut.

… might not look like much to fear, but I am a pro at pretending to be a ninja.

… is pointed in the right direction. The direction of awesome.

… wants to tell the nice stranger I saw while driving today, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."

… used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

… may or may not be wearing a cape right now.

… would consider being a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

… is implementing her plan for world domination, and is accepting applications for evil side-kick.

… is sublimawesomeinal.

… is issuing a blanket apology for any unsolicited touching that may occur next time you see me.

… is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

Enough with the censored "beep, beep", I'm old enough to know what Roadrunner is really saying to Wile E Coyote.

Shhhh, little apple cinnamon donut. Just let it happen.

It's 2009. If your coffee shop doesn't have free WiFi, it better be because the signal pisses off the free unicorns you give to every guest.

Every Halloween I eat so much candy that I hallucinate tiny monsters and superheroes at my door trying to trick me into giving them some.

My head is screaming CANDY, but my thighs are shouting FRUIT. So I'm stabbing my thighs with a pointy stick until they shut the heck up.

I swear to God: if things don't change soon, I will bake some peanut butter cookies AND I WILL NOT PUT THE CRISSCROSS PATTERN ON THEM.

When you come across a big kettle of crazy, it’s best not to stir it

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

Whilst vacuuming, how likely is it that I will run over a string or piece of lint at least a dozen times, reach over and pick it up, examine it, then put it back down to give the vacuum one more chance? Very.

I know the cat is following me because she wants my cereal milk, but I still feel special.

… just had to look up "assiduity" on dictionary.com; definition: "obsequious solicitude." Next up: finding a synonym for "F*ck you, dictionary.com"

Survival of the fattest? Well played, autocorrect. Well played.

… considering forming a secret Rambo-esque rescue squad with husband to take control of the house back from cats. The reign of terror is over, fuzzy-butts.

… burned hand on pop-tart, jumped in pain, hit elbow on counter. Got paper cut opening the burn cream. Take that, Darwin!

There is a fine line between insanity and genius… i have erased this line…

Epiphany: There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of baking it. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

Why be difficult, when with a little extra effort, you can be impossible?