Apple's new iPad: Worst name ever, best product ever

Apple's Steve Jobs shows off the new iPad.

Doggone you, Steve Jobs. Doggone you. Thanks to you, I'm going to have to go out and get yet another Apple product that I didn't know I needed.

Jobs, as you know, is the genius who runs Apple. He's the man who gave us the the iMac, the iBook, the iPod, the iPhone and a whole lot iMore. On Wednesday, he unveiled Apple's newest goodie – the iPad.

And can we just start by saying that as cool as the iPad might be, it's quite possibly the worst name ever. To begin with, "iPad" is too similar to "iPod," which will cause all sorts of of confusion in all the Apple households out there.

SON: "Dad, have you seen my iPad?"

DAD: "Your iPod? It's on the table."

SON: "No, not my iPod, my iPad."

DAD: "I told you – your iPod is on the table."

SON: "No, where's my iPad?"

DAD: "I TOLD YOU, STUPID! YOUR iPOD IS ON THE TABLE! ARE YOU DEAF?!"

What really makes "iPad" a horrible name, though, is that it brings to mind, um, a certain product that certain people of a certain gender use for certain hygiene purposes. It's just not a very good idea to call your new product a "pad."

Well, stupid name or not, it's all but a certainty that sometime in the next few months, I'm going to have to go out and get myself an iPad. I'm a total slave to whatever that company puts out. If Apple makes it, I'm going to buy it.

I've been a Mac guy for my entire computer life. I got my first one in 1992, and that's all I've ever owned. Right now, we have a grand total of six Macs in our house – two old clamshell  iBooks, one iMac and three Mac laptops. We have four iPods – two Nanos, one Shuffle and one Touch. As soon as Verizon starts selling the iPhone (I'm tied to Verizon), I'll be getting an iPhone, too.

And still, that's not enough. Now I need an iPad, too. I didn't KNOW I needed an iPad, but thanks to that helpful man Steve Jobs, I've been convinced that I need an iPad.

The iPad was introduced on Wednesday, but it had been rumored for months that Apple was working on a tablet-style computer. Most of the rumors said it would sell for about $1,000, but when Jobs unveiled it this week, he said it would start at just $499.

And knowing Apple, you can count on that price dropping quite a bit once the first wave of iPads are sold. Apple always drops the price when the second generation of a product comes out. The first iPhones sold for $599. Now you can get one for $199.

So the lesson here is, if you can't swing $499 for an iPad, just wait a few months. By then, they'll also have the first set of bugs worked out. Perhaps they'll even come up with a new name that isn't quite so stupid.

In any case, whether I get a first-generation iPad or a second-generation iPad, it's a dead-lock guarantee that sometime in the not-so-distant future, I'm going to be showing off my new iPad.

In case you missed the iPad hype this week (and I don't see how that was possible), here's a quick primer.

The iPad looks like a giant iPod Touch, and it does pretty much all the things an iPod Touch does. You can watch movies, listen to music, do your e-mail, surf the Web (either via WiFi or by paying to use AT&T's 3G network) and use any one of the 140,000 or so apps that are available. It has a cool-looking touchscreen keyboard that pops up when you tap it. I'm sure that Livingstontalk.com will look AMAZING on this thing.

The iPad does much more, though: You can organize photos, download and read books, look at newspapers, and play some incredibly cool games. The iPad can also clean your refrigerator, feed your kids, re-shingle your house and cure most forms of cancer. It's amazing!

And as I said, my life was going along just fine without the iPad. I'm surfing the Web, doing my e-mail, watching movies and listening to music right now, and I'm doing it all without needing an iPad.

So why am I going to get one?

Because it just looks so coooooool.

I felt the same way about my iPod Touch. I never knew that I needed an iPod Touch, either, until I got one. Now I can't live without it. I tell my kids all the time that if the house were burning down and I could only save one thing – either my kids or my iPod Touch – I'd save them, but I'd never let them forget that I had to make that choice.

I never knew I could feel such love for an electronic device, and I'm guessing that once I get a hold of my new iPad, I'll feel the same way about that.

So don't worry, Steve Jobs. I'm going to buy your new device. You had me at "hello."

Buddy Moorehouse is the publisher of Livingstontalk.com. You can e-mail him at buddy@livingstontalk.com.

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Buddy Moorehouse's column is sponsored by: PJ's Hot Dogs LLC. Serving wienies since '01. Visit us Saturdays at the Howell Tractor Supply, at www.PJsHotDogs.com, or call 517-861-6628.

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